Shows // Lyrics: If I Could Date Cheese

Lyrics: If I Could Date Cheese

Seriously, if one were to actually go out with a piece of cheese, would anyone want to date a Kraft single? In this tune written for her show Say Cheese, Jackie sings about the cheeses she’d rather spend time with and what she do with each one…

If I Could Date Cheese

Lyrics by Jackie Gordon Music by Gregory Toroian
There was not a moment of remorse, there was not a shadow of a doubt
I am just so grateful I kept a straight face, when that Kraft single asked me out
I said “I know that you’re mild mannered and you melt evenly
But that ain’t the stuff, that’s gonna sate, my fromage fantasies”

If I could date cheese there’d be nothing better
than nibbling on a Vermont cheddar, while we explore his pedigree
An evening with Gruyere, could be quite the snug affair,
Dipping his fondue until I blush
Camembert De Normandie , could sweep me off my teeth
That’s one soiree I wouldn’t want to rush

If I could date cheese, a spicy Apenzeller
Is a worthy kinda fella for lady who has needs
I’d shack up at the Hilton, with a big old hunk of Stilton
Those blue veins are enough to make me weak
I’d caress Taleggio from his head down to toes
And that’s the kind of company, I’d seek

I’d go from Parmigiano Reggianos to Garrotxas and Chaource
Asiagos to the Comtes and the Fourme D’Amberts of course
Roqueforts to Pecorino with the Raclettes in between - Oh
Fontinas, Sbrinz, Telemes, we all more than friends

If I could date cheese, I know I’d be hopin’
A hot and bubbly goats cheese crottin would be my destiny
If I found myself alone, in a vat of Mascarpone
That’d be the highlight of my day
A funky Gorgonzola would surely win me over
My nose screams “Go away” but my tongue’s saying “Please, please staaaaay”

If I could date cheese, I’d wouldn’t waste my time
Any curd less than divine, couldn’t even be a tease
I’d get out my black book, get my cheese store on the hook
Take full advantage of their expertise
I understand your list is pure, and deliciously mature
Help me explore the possibilities
Of all your cheesy personalities
I’d start out with the “A’s” and work my way to “Z’s”

If I Could Date Cheese

Copyright 2004 Jackie Gordon, Gregory Toroian All right reserved.